Relationship Tips

My wife and I just celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary and I decided to share my thoughts and feelings about this. I would also like to throw some motivational talk at some people that might be in need of such. We all need a pep talk now and then and I happen to like giving people good positive advice whenever possible. I also think that Angela and I have a very unique but very strong relationship that works very well. We have been through some rough times but remained a team through it all and grew even stronger together.

The issues we faced were mostly not even between us but more of my own personal hang ups and insecurities that I never actually faced. I'll admit that most of our bad times were my fault and I will always be thankful to my wife for believing in me and believing in us. In therapy I talk everything out and my therapist tells me all the time that Angela and I really are a great match for one another and she partially agreed with me that Angela was key in my struggles with bipolar disorder and the mess that comes along with medications and medication adjustments on top of the side effects and my BAD DAYS etc.

In one session I told my therapist, Marilyn, that I credit my Mom with giving me my heart and giving me life and I credit Angela with showing me what I'm supposed to do with these things. I can honestly say I was never truly happy until I got into this relationship with her and it was scary when I was at my lowest and felt like it was all over for us. My disorder really cripples my confidence and my self esteem is very low so it makes me nervous that we're married 5 years and she's still by my side. This fact is what really has given me a boost in confidence as I am very proud that I can say we are still together and stronger than ever!

We humans all have flaws and understanding and accepting that is the first necessity for a healthy marriage. There's no such thing as a perfect marriage or a perfect couple or even a perfect individual so expecting your other half to live up to impossible standards is no fair. No fair, no fair, no FAIR! If you think about the majority of arguments we have as couples I'm sure you'll see how petty most of them have been. I'm extremely guilty of adding intensity to any minor incident and over exaggerating the simplest situations. I know I do it and admitting our faults is important to self improvement as well as relationship improvement.

Honesty is really the number 1 necessity of ANY relationship and also as an individual which is something most people seem to forget. Being honest with yourself is what you've really got to learn to do and I think some of you may have caught yourselves pondering that one! I'm not talking about sharing every single emotion you feel or drowning your mate in your feelings...there's a such thing as smothering and smothering is a necessity for murder but I do not advocate such a thing so leave my blog if you are thinking those kinds of things...

Where was I? Ah! Yes...

When we talk about honesty with ourselves we have to decide what our own personal truth is and I can't help you with that. Only YOU know who you are and no matter if you're with your absolute soul mate (yeah I believe in that kinda stuff) or not, your partner will never know who you truly are. There's no way to see into somebody's mind or literally experience life from their perspective to get that understanding of somebody. Even if we could read a mind we should also know that the mind can be very deceiving and sometimes people are just thinkin' nonsense anyway right?

I am still developing an understanding of myself and I think a part of my struggle is my inability to figure things out as easily as I would like to. I know that sounds petty n minor to some of you but for me it is a heck of an issue. I never learned to have faith in myself let alone believe I can reach the 5 year milestone in a marriage.

We have to be honest with ourselves and we have to be honest with our partner. We are calling this person our "better half" yet we can't be a man or woman and be absolutely honest? I don't mean little "white" lies but in matters of the heart and true feelings for the other person. If you are no longer happy then you need to voice that and let it be known in a nice way, mind you. Don't go running around cheating and piling lies on top of lies because this is robbing yourself of self honesty & self respect as well as robbing your mate of their respect of you being honest. If you feel like you have doubts in your relationship you have to make your partner aware no matter what excuse you might try to come up with to keep from doing so.

We have to be honest enough to trust one another as well. I honestly trust Angela with my life and I know for a fact that she will do right by my heart. I have 100% faith in her and being the greatest husband I can be to her is my most important goal in life. The day we met we put all our cards on the table right away and we let each other in and when the bumps in the road and detours came up we got through to the other side together and we do it very well. Mostly because I am a genius but mostly because she is a genius more so.

With Angela and I being on the same page the way we are it means we are both secure enough to still grow as individuals yet keep our relationship fresh and relevant by being our cool hip selves oooh yeah! Ha! What I mean is we keep our spirits lifted with good fun! We play around and have fun including others in on our goofing off.

One other necessity for a relationship is PATIENCE. Look the word up in the dictionary and study it and examine it deeply and think about what it means to YOU. I'm serious too, write the word down and the meaning and look up all you can on the word PATIENCE...listen to "Patience" by Guns N' Roses! Then write down what patience means to YOU and maybe try to think about and jot down what you could do to try to be a little more patient in life. Both in our individual life and couple-life we have a natural tendency to rush into the smoke without knowing what's feeding the fire (or some cliche thing like that I don't know cliches) and we allow impatience to weaken our bonds as couples.

And of course there is LOVE. L.O.V.E. "All you need is love" is a very true song and statement. All of the ingredients to a a strong relationship are also the ingredients to LOVE. I'm talking about true love not just a boy meets a girl and they like each other so decide to date nor am I talking about anything other than two people that come together and are able to put their all into making the other person happy and seeing to it that they are always aware of their importance to them. Give your special someone a constant reminder that they are that special someone. Don't do it with gifts, don't do it with flowers, not with song, nor with poetry and forget greeting cards! Just TELL them. Every single day, perhaps in the morning and at night before bed. Ritualize it if you need to but do it!

We have to be willing to accept mistakes and allow our other half to be themselves too. A relationship won't work if you can't accept a person for who they are and how they are so if you find yourself constantly trying to change something about your significant other then you might not be in the right place. It doesn't mean you should give up though I'm not saying that I am saying that if you want to have a better relationship then you need to work at it and you need to act NOW! Look at it as starting over fresh and new and maintain total communication and you and your partner can guide the relationship where you want it to go and more importantly where it SHOULD BE.

The hardest part of all of this is self examination because sometimes our perspectives are twisted when it comes to us. What you might want to think about doing is while you are alone after an argument (every relationship has a good argument here n there so don't think you aren't a "compatible couple" because you have fights, America has been at war since it's birth yet it's still the UNITED States...) is sit and think about what was said and remember what your partner had to say. Sift through the digs that were taken and look for a moment when they were saying how they FELT.

It is really important that you pay attention to how your partner is feeling inside even if they have a hard time verbally expressing those feelings. Some of us just don't handle confrontation so well and turn an argument into an all out war because we are in panic mode. The after argument period is the most crucial period because what we will normally get is your friends telling you "you were right you were right you were right!" and their friends telling them "you were right!" and we get hammered and then reality sets in and nothing good has come from any of that. You're broke, gotta get up and face the situation either way and now you've gotta face it feeling like you are a zombie. Fun!

We have to always be willing to work and work together especially. It takes 2 great individuals though to make a great relationship. We need to appreciate the smaller things and cut back on the FINER (more expensive) things so that in the special occasions we don't need to go signing our souls away for cash. A better appreciation for the person that just cooked dinner for you and your children and a better appreciation for the person that just worked their butt off regardless of the wage to keep you and your kids safe n secure.

For relationships without children, all of the above applies to you minus the children part, duh right?

These are just some of my beliefs when it comes to being the best husband I can be for my wife...