I was born in Philadelphia and called it my home town for about 22 years of my life. In November of 2004 I moved out to Chicago, IL after a series of unfortunate events (yeah I'm a Snicket's fan...). The short story of it is my Mother and Father moved to Chicago because my old man got a job that relocated him. I was living in the bottom level/basement of my sister and her husband's house in Philly and one day the house burned down destroying everything I owned as the basement took the most damage from the fire PLUS the water damage on top of the firefighters smashing things.
Within a few months I also would be cheated on by my girlfriend of 6 years and lose my job. I ended up breaking down and accepting my Dad's invitation to come stay with him and my Mom for a while til I got back on my feet. I was being charged by friends and family to STAY with them here n there just so I wouldn't be sleeping on the streets. Turned out I could have probably gotten a hotel room and saved some money but I ended up going flat broke with no way of recovering. I'm still in the hole pretty big but that's a whole different story..
I moved to Melrose Park Illinois which is about 10 minutes from the city of Chicago. My life was a frustrating mess as I was constantly depressed and even though I was getting a fresh start in a brand new place I was finding it very hard to catch a break. Friends I would make I ended up getting stabbed in the back and girlfriends would cheat on me so for a little while I was just being a "pimp" daddy and ran through women trying not to catch feelings because I was just tired of being made a fool of. I drank like a mad man and while the rest of the world was spiraling out of control for me I was finding comfort in my only friend at the time, marijuana...
That will be another blog all in itself...
I spent about a year and a half I think it was just struggling to find a reason to not put a bullet in my head. Honestly I felt like I had no hope at all to go anywhere in life or that I would ever matter to anyone. I know my Mama loved me but I explained to her once when she seemed offended by my statement that I was all alone in the world. I actually listen to the song "How Can You Mend A Broken Heart" by Al Green and think of this conversation I had with my Mom and I remember her smile when she understood me. It's not often that your parents can truly understand you and that is a fact no matter how hard you try to tell me otherwise. Will Smith was right.
I was working a factory job and just working all the time. One night in January 2006 I decided to go to the bar. It was a saturday night and I was actually ready to go to bed early as heck! I was feeling restless and actually kinda lonely so I sat up and said "going to the bar...". I was sitting at the bar not to long after and was drinking pitchers of MGD cause they were only 3 dollars a pitcher or something cheap like that. I said screw the glass at one point and just started carrying around my pitcher, sipping from it. I don't miss alcohol much to be honest with you, by the way....
Suddenly my attention was drawn directly to the door as I saw this group of people coming in. More like I was checking out one of the ladies in that group and I felt this strange sensation throughout my body. No perverts not those kinds of sensations, minds out of the gutter please! I will credit alcohol with giving me the courage to talk to this woman and with my liquid courage I had her and a crowd at the bar highly entertained. Her name was Angela and I was so attracted to everything about her. We had a hell of a night watching an incredible Rolling Stone's cover band which the lead singer WAS Mick Jagger I mean the guy looked just like him.
She took me back to her place after we closed down a couple of after parties and we actually both passed out before any freaky deaky stuff could take place. I think I ended up spending about 200 dollars on hennessy and MGD plus I felt bad for this little hindu guy sitting alone at the bar all sad lookin' and he ran out of money and some people were making some stupid comments so I told the bartender that he was with me so to put him on my tab. I can't help but care about people around me even if I do not know them like THAT.
Angela and I have been together ever since that day minus one break up period during the days that lead up to my being diagnosed with bipolar disorder. The bond that we share is very strong and we actually feel as though we are indeed soul mates. I had to go through a life of pain and misery to finally be where I am today. I wouldn't be here right now if not for that plane ticket I got, one way from Philadelphia to Chicago O'Hare International Airport. I've been adopted by Chicago and I am thankful that I survived.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
We Forget To Practice...
You know I was thinkin' while I was doing the dishes early and I started thinking about an exercise we could do to create positive energy. Let it ripple out like a "Pay It Forward" kind of concept. Performing an act of kindness each and every day and you could even start from 1 and each day add a number of kind acts to perform each day and see if you can perform all of them on the list, if you can't complete the list you have to start over. This will build a whole bunch of positive energy to spread around fast.
I was also thinking about the fact that those of us who have some "K9 Americans" in our lives (dogs for the animalistic politically incorrect), we work so hard to train our dogs. It takes extensive and repettitive practice and as much attention to detail as possible if you really want to train your k9 to be the best lil girl or boy it can be so it don't go poopies or peepees in the house like a bad dog!!
Sorry, where was I? Oh, right...
What if we were to actually start training our children as thoroughly as we train our dogs? Of course not with milkbones and snaussages but if we really raised our children and helped them to be the best that THEY can be. Teach them as much as we can teach them and even learn new things along with them because there is always something for you to educate yourself on and I think we could better connect with our children if we can learn along side them.
What I'm seeing as a problem in America is that there are way too many parents that are not taking their responsibilities seriously when it comes to their children. I worked with many under privileged children in Philadelphia and what has my heart broken still is seeing the kids who's parents abused the hell out of them. Raised their children so strict that it seemed like no matter what the child did, no matter what mistake was made or how minor it was, it called for harsh punishment (mostly beatings). That's despicable and people should step in if they know of a situation involving abuse like this. "It's none of my business" is a terrible cop out and is total bullshit, if somebody needs your help the only right thing to do is HELP by all means.
When I used to partake in the consumption of alcoholic beverages I had some drinks with my Father at a bar out here in Illinois. In a drunken state I let my Dad have a piece of my mind and tried to explain to him my take on parenting and my philosophy on raising children. I think one thing that people may want to stop doing is basing their parenting off of "how they were raised". You have to try to understand that the world your child is living in is completely different than the world YOU were being raised in when you were their age. So while basic (but important) things like being kind and respect and common sense etc, you have to try to be more understanding of the ways of THEIR streets. No matter how much we deny it these kids are coming up a lot differently than what we did and what our parents did, it's called progression (oddly enough).
I explained to him that his biggest issues in school in his days were good clean one on one fist fights with a bully or whatever. When I was in Lincoln High School in Philadelphia I had a gun pulled on me once and it was one of them heavily secured metal detector damn near prison type schools you see in the movies. I feared for my life, at least he was alive if he lost the fight.
This whole conversation we had came up because he was asking me honestly why I dropped out of high school and what he and my Mother did wrong in raising me. I told him that there is nothing in the world that they could have done differently. At this point in my life I was unaware of my bipolar disorder. I knew I had problems but never heard of bipolar disorder so I just brushed off my depression spells as nothing. Parents you have to accept your children's decisions when they get older. As hard as it is to do we have to show support to our kids as long as they are happy. We all deserve that respect no matter what age we are or how much of a mistake you think they are making. You can give advice or shed some light on the issue but try to always include the "but I support you in either direction you choose". I think that's crucial...
Reaching out to the gay/lesbian community for a moment. I would like to offer my support and ask that people please consider respecting these men and women as they respect YOUR choice of being straight. The fact is that it really does HURT so much to have so many people hating the shit out of you for simply being YOU. All people who have ever felt oppressed and discriminated against should understand this entirely yet I see so many that join along in condemning these folk. If you can imagine the fear that some of them feel just to say out in the open that they are homosexual then you would probably understand a bit more. My heart goes out to those who face physical threat at the hands of the truly ignorant fools of the world. I am all for freedom and a person's right to speak against something but once it comes to physicality or even emotional abuse then I draw the damn line.
I have attended a few "pride" parades here in Chicago with my wife and some of our lesbian friends and man is it one heck of a party! I think homophobes are just scared to say they condone homosexuality because they fear it will make it look like THEY would consider homosexuality. I may be wrong but I don't care it's just one idea. We need to search in our hearts for the compassion that exists for our fellow man and woman and respect who they are even if you don't agree with their "lifestyle". You wouldn't want people violently attacking you because you are ugly or fat or a Jew or a Nigger or a Honkey ass cracker or a spic or a democrat or a republican or all of that racist bullshit and whatnot. Please take those words in the context they are in and don't start loading me up with emails saying I'm racist. Please have better sense than THAT.
What we need more of to be happier people in society is PRACTICE. In order to be great or even slightly GOOD at anything you generally have to practice. Some lucky punks get to breeze in some departments without much practice at all but that's neither here nor there (hey if something is neither here nor there then where the heck IS it?). We forget to practice the little things it takes to be happy. Self respect, mutual respect, good manners, tolerance, patience, open and honest communication and love are some of many tools we can stand to exercise in order to be stronger persons.
One last thing I wanted to touch on (teehee touch on but minds out of the gutter friends!). I brought up music and movies and entertainment in a previous blog and want to make myself clear on something. I did not mean to sound so negative about artists like Nicki Minaj. While I do not particularly enjoy her music I totally have respect for her and those who DO like and love Nicki. Honestly she does have a lot of talent but in the end it just isn't my cup of tea. I respect all people's tastes in music and movies. I do not think any musicians or celebs are out to cause harm of any sort.
I am thinking about revising my old "peace festival" idea I had back in Philadelphia 12 years ago and trying to do it here in Chicago. This will take much work and I'll need all the support I can get on this one but I think it is something that needs to be done. I will be working on some plans and see if I cane come up with something doable. I'll keep you posted. If any chicago musicians would consider doin a free gig at the festival shoot me an email.
Joey Z
I was also thinking about the fact that those of us who have some "K9 Americans" in our lives (dogs for the animalistic politically incorrect), we work so hard to train our dogs. It takes extensive and repettitive practice and as much attention to detail as possible if you really want to train your k9 to be the best lil girl or boy it can be so it don't go poopies or peepees in the house like a bad dog!!
Sorry, where was I? Oh, right...
What if we were to actually start training our children as thoroughly as we train our dogs? Of course not with milkbones and snaussages but if we really raised our children and helped them to be the best that THEY can be. Teach them as much as we can teach them and even learn new things along with them because there is always something for you to educate yourself on and I think we could better connect with our children if we can learn along side them.
What I'm seeing as a problem in America is that there are way too many parents that are not taking their responsibilities seriously when it comes to their children. I worked with many under privileged children in Philadelphia and what has my heart broken still is seeing the kids who's parents abused the hell out of them. Raised their children so strict that it seemed like no matter what the child did, no matter what mistake was made or how minor it was, it called for harsh punishment (mostly beatings). That's despicable and people should step in if they know of a situation involving abuse like this. "It's none of my business" is a terrible cop out and is total bullshit, if somebody needs your help the only right thing to do is HELP by all means.
When I used to partake in the consumption of alcoholic beverages I had some drinks with my Father at a bar out here in Illinois. In a drunken state I let my Dad have a piece of my mind and tried to explain to him my take on parenting and my philosophy on raising children. I think one thing that people may want to stop doing is basing their parenting off of "how they were raised". You have to try to understand that the world your child is living in is completely different than the world YOU were being raised in when you were their age. So while basic (but important) things like being kind and respect and common sense etc, you have to try to be more understanding of the ways of THEIR streets. No matter how much we deny it these kids are coming up a lot differently than what we did and what our parents did, it's called progression (oddly enough).
I explained to him that his biggest issues in school in his days were good clean one on one fist fights with a bully or whatever. When I was in Lincoln High School in Philadelphia I had a gun pulled on me once and it was one of them heavily secured metal detector damn near prison type schools you see in the movies. I feared for my life, at least he was alive if he lost the fight.
This whole conversation we had came up because he was asking me honestly why I dropped out of high school and what he and my Mother did wrong in raising me. I told him that there is nothing in the world that they could have done differently. At this point in my life I was unaware of my bipolar disorder. I knew I had problems but never heard of bipolar disorder so I just brushed off my depression spells as nothing. Parents you have to accept your children's decisions when they get older. As hard as it is to do we have to show support to our kids as long as they are happy. We all deserve that respect no matter what age we are or how much of a mistake you think they are making. You can give advice or shed some light on the issue but try to always include the "but I support you in either direction you choose". I think that's crucial...
Reaching out to the gay/lesbian community for a moment. I would like to offer my support and ask that people please consider respecting these men and women as they respect YOUR choice of being straight. The fact is that it really does HURT so much to have so many people hating the shit out of you for simply being YOU. All people who have ever felt oppressed and discriminated against should understand this entirely yet I see so many that join along in condemning these folk. If you can imagine the fear that some of them feel just to say out in the open that they are homosexual then you would probably understand a bit more. My heart goes out to those who face physical threat at the hands of the truly ignorant fools of the world. I am all for freedom and a person's right to speak against something but once it comes to physicality or even emotional abuse then I draw the damn line.
I have attended a few "pride" parades here in Chicago with my wife and some of our lesbian friends and man is it one heck of a party! I think homophobes are just scared to say they condone homosexuality because they fear it will make it look like THEY would consider homosexuality. I may be wrong but I don't care it's just one idea. We need to search in our hearts for the compassion that exists for our fellow man and woman and respect who they are even if you don't agree with their "lifestyle". You wouldn't want people violently attacking you because you are ugly or fat or a Jew or a Nigger or a Honkey ass cracker or a spic or a democrat or a republican or all of that racist bullshit and whatnot. Please take those words in the context they are in and don't start loading me up with emails saying I'm racist. Please have better sense than THAT.
What we need more of to be happier people in society is PRACTICE. In order to be great or even slightly GOOD at anything you generally have to practice. Some lucky punks get to breeze in some departments without much practice at all but that's neither here nor there (hey if something is neither here nor there then where the heck IS it?). We forget to practice the little things it takes to be happy. Self respect, mutual respect, good manners, tolerance, patience, open and honest communication and love are some of many tools we can stand to exercise in order to be stronger persons.
One last thing I wanted to touch on (teehee touch on but minds out of the gutter friends!). I brought up music and movies and entertainment in a previous blog and want to make myself clear on something. I did not mean to sound so negative about artists like Nicki Minaj. While I do not particularly enjoy her music I totally have respect for her and those who DO like and love Nicki. Honestly she does have a lot of talent but in the end it just isn't my cup of tea. I respect all people's tastes in music and movies. I do not think any musicians or celebs are out to cause harm of any sort.
I am thinking about revising my old "peace festival" idea I had back in Philadelphia 12 years ago and trying to do it here in Chicago. This will take much work and I'll need all the support I can get on this one but I think it is something that needs to be done. I will be working on some plans and see if I cane come up with something doable. I'll keep you posted. If any chicago musicians would consider doin a free gig at the festival shoot me an email.
Joey Z
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